Updates

Too much has taken place since the last time I blogged. Somehow, I feel too lazy to blog d… well, perhaps it’s not being lazy, but rather, I’ve no mood, nor much time to spend to do so. Even now, I am typing this cos I fell that I’ve too much in my mind & would just wanna ‘throw’ everything out onto some platform.

Last week seemed like one of the worst weeks in my life. One by one, events avalanched on me; work piled up like nobody’s business, my grandpa was admitted into the hospital & all of us really thought that he’ll pass away already, my relationship with KH went on the rocky path, my health deteriorated…oh, the list was just endless lar. *sigh* I seriously didn’t know what to do & who to turn to at that point of time. There was only so much within my control! It was only by God’s grace that I managed to crawl out of that week into a new one. I felt SO much like Job.

As for now, some of the events have passed & by His mercy, all went well. The struggles that I had have come to past. It’s a new week of struggles. I can’t believe it. Once again, I ask God, “Why do You have to put me through so much of struggles and throw me with so many challenges?? I can’t handle so much…” Yet, time after time, after asking those questions, after falling to my knees & crying out to Him, He will just simply tell me, “My grace is sufficient for you. Do not be anxious about anything. I will give you the peace. Just trust in Me, will you?” All God asks is faith. Oh, if only I’ve faith of a mustard seed.

My next challenge has arrived at my doorstep. Just arrived and entered into my somewhat messed-up life. I was appointed to be the leader for our new Christian Fellowship. Yes, FINALLY a CF for KUKTEM. But then again, I’ve only half a year to lead. It’s really bizarre… there are so many other students who are staying on longer than I am, but why do I have to be the chosen one? Bummer. I’m already in my final year. I’ve One more semester to go, & that semester is EXTREMELY crucial for me. I’ve to develop my final year project (the Online Headache & Migraine Diagnosis System), settle my thesis, scout around for a place to do my industrial training, and now, at the same time, lead the youths of my uni through the CF. I was initially VERY reluctant. However, before the leaders’ meeting just now with uncle Jeff, I came across a text talking about ‘Victory in the Battle of Life’, sent to my e-mail by Choy Quin. If you don’t believe that there’s a living God, believe it now. God really speaks, & VERY timely indeed.

The text talks about David & how he was obedient and responsive towards the calling to battle with Goliath. David relied on the power of God, not his own. ‘The battle is the Lord’s’. I see the CF as my battle ground somehow. I’m so small & I’m powerless in handling this. Yeah, with the committee, I should be alright. Oh, only with the strength of the Lord that I may pull through. I told the rest, “This CF belongs to the Lord. He will bring the people, He will give us the wisdom & provide us with all that we need.” *sigh* I’m really afraid that I won’t be able to cope.

My health is not exactly in great condition, my studies are only so-so now, and well, assignments and projects are still hitting us one after another. I’m the group leader of 3 out of 4 projects/ assignments & I’m sure you can now see what I mean by being stretched to the maximum. I wonder, “Is it because I’m too stupid to say ‘no’ that I’m getting into so much of work? Or is it that God knows that I can handle all of it?” Ergh… somehow I wish that I’m an ‘ordinary’ person, who doesn’t stand out as a leader. Then I could just sit still, do my own work & have a peaceful lifestyle. In other words, I want to have a boring lifestyle without many challenges. At times, I rather have that for a change. Bah.

Ah well, perhaps all I need to learn is to continue my life in faith & assurance that the Lord is for me, and all I have to know is that He will never put upon me more than I can bear. Dey. I’m SO, SO tired… rest now, oh my soul, find rest in the Lord.