SCIC syndrome

SCIC: Self-confusion inner-confusion syndrome

Just too many things are running through my mind now. As the year closes its accounts, I am beginning to wonder once more, 'what am I doing here in Kuantan'. I know that this is one of the stupidest question to think about again, having gone through almost a year in this course.

Time flew by a little too fast, or perhaps my legs are just a little too short to carry me on such a quick pace. *sigh* I thought this crazy plan of leaving the uni won't pop up anymore, well, at least until I finish the entire 3 years of this course!

After more than 6 months being here, I find myself still not being able to grasp the fundamentals of Software Engineering and the other relevent subjects. Ask me what is software engineering, and expect from me a blank look on my face. Same goes for Database System 2. Ahaha...what have I gained from DB1? What do I understand? Hmm...very, very minimal stuff which any freshie would have known already!

I could never imagine myself graduating in this course, let alone be a software engineer or some system analyst, or whatever else related to this field of study. I have somewhat set my mind on finishing this degree, if I so have to do so, graduate, and get a job not related to software engineering. But then again, what is the whole point of spending 3 and a half years here, scraping my way through, 'digging holes to bury my sad-looking face', studying what I don't appreciate, and eating yucky food??? Bah...gah...like there is a point here!

I was telling my room mates my so-called plans during dinner time. True enough, one of them asked me that question, which went, *ke-doiiiiinnnggg*, at me. Ah, never really thought of it. I just wanted to get out of this field as soon as I can...ahaha.

I am also thinking of getting out of here and take up teaching, which I don't know if it is 'me' or not. Coming back to reality, I am still on the 'scholarship'. I can't just go away like that eventhough this 'scholarship' is not a bonded one. I can't let my sponsor down, can't let my parents down (although I think they would rather have me studying what I prefer and not complain so much while doing the course), and most importantly, I can't let God down! I am sure He has some plan when He put me here. Well, eventhough I do still wonder what that plan is, ah, I have to submit to it that I am not He, who is Wisdom and Knowledge.

Trust in the Lord. Hmm...trust His heart. Right. This mad SCIC will soon have to move out of my mind...