Out of place…again??

I hate feeling out-of-place, especially when I am on familiar ground, with the usual bunch of people whom I once call my closest friends. I suppose life takes a very different direction after I have entered uni. Things aren’t the same as it is anymore, & I figure things will NEVER stay the same anyways. Changes are there for the better & not forgetting for the worst.

I feel like a visitor at my home church, within my CG & this feelin’ lingers in me even when I am in Ktn WMC! Horrid, horrid feeling it is. I really am not sure what the cause of this issue that I am facing is. I am but a confused individual once again.

Told Mabes about it, & it was totally hilarious when she told me that we could shake hands and marry each other as she feels the same way too…which makes me wonder - Is it true that most youths who left their church for studies at some other place would feel ‘foreign’ when they come back to their church during their hols…? *scratches head*

I definitely don’t feel as close as I used to be with my CG, worst still, I feel like some loner in church! SO not me. People are just so busy & so involved in church that I feel I a have no part of anything in church (as I have been away for some time irregardless of how often I actually come back for the weekends). It is a terribly sad thing.

I noticed that I haven’t been serving in any ministry in church for 9 months now, to be exact. Not that I don’t want to, but I can’t…well, not in my home church at least. I can’t commit myself to serve on KWMC either as I am most of the time traveling to & fro KL-Ktn at least once a month. *sigh* Am I prepared to commit myself again?

Looking back, it has been a drastic change of lifestyle for me. From being actively involved in serving in the MYF, & Praise & Worship teams, to now where I am not in any at all, I feel ‘too free’. I feel like a Martha & I know that I am taken out of all these perhaps to be trained to become more like Mary. *double sighs* Taken out of my comfort zone? Definitely.

I noticed this has been in me for MONTHS but I have just brushed the issue away time after time. Is it time to still sit back & learn to listen to God, or am I ready to commit my self again?

*****
New look
I got a hair cut…really short, & got it dyed too…not a striking colour, nor some cannot-be-noticed colour. Rest assured it is a ‘sane colour’. This mad idea costs me a bomb but I am just gonna do this once & for all. I am not going to ‘try’ this another time. I reckon I just wanted a ‘change’ from the usual look. Needed to boost my confidence back to its supposed level. Bah.